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What do you Really Need for Wellness?

I have a lovely picture hanging up in my meditation space, with a quote that reads “Everything you need, your Courage, Compassion, Wisdom and Love…Everything you Need is already within you”. When I am feeling down or anxious, I always turn to that quote for grounding and support. It’s taken many years but I definitely believe that we have Everything we Need within us, but there are so many challenges to accessing what we need. Here are a few of the challenges I’ve seen people face:


1. Messages and traumas from childhood – Many of us learned (among other things) that:

a. the world was not safe, that we couldn’t relax,

b. that we had to be productive and please everyone around us to be valued,

c. that there wasn’t enough of everything to go around and we had to compete for the goodies,

d. that we had to be hyper-vigilant for people’s moods and for what the future may bring,

e. that we had to be perfect to be “good enough”,

f. that our emotions and thoughts were not valid or valuable,

g. that we were too sensitive,

h. that it was not ok to make a mistake,

i. that other people’s confusing behavior was “our fault”.


2. These messages carry into adulthood and lead to (among other things):

a. Being anxious, feeling unsafe, continuing the hypervigilance for people’s behavior. Sometimes getting angry and pushing people away because of this.

b. Feeling like we have to be perfect and super productive to have value as a human

c. That somehow we are “wrong” for having emotions and thoughts

d. Feeling jealous or anxious when other have something we want, because we believe there is not enough good stuff to go around,

e. Self-blame, self-judgement when we make a mistake or we don’t understand other’s behaviors,

f. Surrounding ourselves with people who feel “safe” because they feel like what we grew up with, but may not be the healthiest relationships for us,

g. Having “limiting beliefs” such as “something is wrong with me”, “I shouldn’t speak my mind”, “I’m not capable of happiness/success/prosperity etc” and many more.

h. Prioritizing “productivity” and “people pleasing” over self-care,

i. Using Substances (food, alcohol, nicotine, scrolling social media, bingeing Netflix, shopping, drugs etc), to numb out or find relief from these challenging emotions and messages.

Needless to say, these messages, traumas and challenges keep us from finding Everything we Need, that is already within us. Our Wisdom, Serenity, Faith, Peace, Sense of Abundance, Confidence, Self-Love etc, get blocked behind a veil of anxiety, depression, self-flagellation and use of “substances”. And when we are behind the Veil, we cannot find the self-love to prioritize our self-care, or even know how to care for ourselves.

I am starting a new series, here in my blog and on Instagram, called “What do you Really Need”? We’ll explore some of the things that we Really Need when we say things like “I need to lose weight” or “I need to exercise more” or “I need to cut back on my drinking/sugar/scrolling etc.”. And we’ll explore how to connect with that Wise part of us that has Everything we Need. BTW, this is what Wellness Coaching is all about…helping people find their inner wisdom to know what they really need and how to slowly and sustainably make those changes. Reach out here for some options to connect with me! Much love to you all!!



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